Sometime this year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment.
This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A
format:
Q.What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.
Q.What is the purpose of this payment?
A.The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.
Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
A. Shut up.
Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the US economy by spending your stimulus check wisely:
If you spend that money at Wal-Mart, all the money will go to China.
If you spend it on gasoline it will go to Hugo Chavez, the Arabs and Al Queda
If you purchase a computer it will go to Taiwan.
If you purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras, Chile, and Guatemala.
If you buy a car it will go to Japan and Korea.
If you purchase prescription drugs it will go to India
If you purchase heroin it will go to the Taliban in Afghanistan
And none of it will help the American economy.
We need to keep that money here in America.
You can keep the money in America by spending it at yard sales, going to a baseball game, or spend it on prostitutes, beer (domestic ONLY), or tattoos, since those are the only businesses still in the US.
4 comments:
You are right that some of the money will go into the hands of foreigners, but on its way it is going to local grocers, gas stations, appliance stores, restaurants, car dealers and pharmacies.
Money is flowing instead of stagnating and this is only a portion of the stimulus.
The states that accept some of the stimulus will help out our educators, construction companies, civil engineers, police, fire departments and thus more money flowing locally.
I believe this is far better than giving it to the Wall Street bankers who, as far as I know, only pocketed what they got. I have yet to hear what they are buying or loaning out. Where has all that money gone? It may be in the US but not flowing.
One thing is still the same with or without money, instead of thinking what can be done to help out all we do is cry, cry, cry.
Once the money starts flowing, jobs will be kept, created and multiply. Then there will be a need for investing, saving and buying more.
I am retired, have outstanding debts but still spend and save. I would like to get the billions Wall Street got and a few hundred isn't much to brag about, but it buys grocerys, prescriptions, clothes, and even a few 'I want, not need' items.
Good take Jim! Just so everybody knows, I didn't write the Q&A. It was in my inbox and thought it was humorous. It's tongue-in-cheek, but has some truth to it.
No doubt that we need to get a little cash in the hands of the people to get things moving again.
What I fear will happen is the corporations will hold on to the new money, not add jobs, and continue cutbacks despite companies doing better.
It's not that the companies are doing bad. In fact, some companies would make a profit, but they have to large a debt to service. That's the kicker!
As far as Wall Street goes... Somebody told me: "History shows the poor has bailed out the rich for centuries." Looks like it happened again.
I'm going to get some baseball tickets then. I don't know if prostitutes like baseball but I'll ask one to go with me since they are on your list. After buying a lot of domestic beer at the game I will go to a tatoo parlor and have them do some big American flag tattoo on my butt.
I am doing my part!
I like Leslie's way of thinking, but I'm going to pass on the tattoo on my bottom...
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